A New False Teeth Limerick

After 28 months, I can finally smile again with a full toothy grin. Amen and Hallelujah.

I don’t know where to begin.
My teeth are literally a snap to put in.
So much unbridled joy
From my new toothy toy
And restoring my old stupid grin!

A Should I Say Thanks For Not Asking Limerick

I am resisting aging with all my might. I’m holding up mentally. Physically is another story. I have always remained fit since my high school days. I still like working out and playing sports. That part of physically is fine. It’s the bald, gray, bags under my eyes, have to take a pill to piss part of physically that is messing with me.

I start out every day by walking into the bathroom, looking in the mirror, screaming and going about my business. It’s been a daily ritual for a long time. However, I recently made the mistake of moving in for a closer examination. It wasn’t pretty. I saw the dreaded “O” word staring back at me.

The day before this self observation took place, I stopped at a fast food joint for a cup of coffee. I got a nice senior discount…without asking for it. That led to the mirror which led to this –

It seems I’m approaching the geriatric stage
And how fast I’m going has been hard to gauge.
Oy, even at my best
I fail the mirror test…
It’s senior price now without asking my age!

Some Simple Self-Help Biz Advice Limericks

I would like to offer some free unsolicited advice worth every cent you paid for it and less.  It does come from experience, for whatever that’s worth. And for the record, my business record is dismal at best. So now I am calling myself a writer. Ironically, with writing being the only thing that I ever wanted to do, I may have more opportunities to make money doing this than I did when I was involved in small businesses. Never give up on your dreams.

I write limericks and my ideas for them come from everywhere. I have some friends that are especially good at saying things that become the last line of a limerick. One is from Ringgold, GA, a small town in northwest corner of Georgia. He has a lot of “sayings” as in “my mama had a ‘sayin’ for this.” He sent me a text with the last line of this one which offers some good self-help advice for when your business is negotiating rough waters….

You’re bailing your butt off to keep it afloat
And it’s looking like that’s all she wrote.
With desperation growing
When it’s you doing the rowing….
You ain’t got time to be rocking the boat!

He has some street cred, too.  He kills it selling an industrial manufacturing commodity. He does it the “Ch” way, charm and chutzpah. Those are two good things to have in business.

This second piece of simple advice is pretty old. It comes from arguably the most famous speech in the English written by arguably the greatest writer of the English language. I condensed it into a five line limerick and added a little Texas twist to it. Texans have a great attitude toward life.

So you were riding high in the saddle,
Now you’re up a creek with no paddle.
Tis nobler in the mind
To get off your behind
And make that Sea of Troubles skedaddle.

Good luck. Keep the faith.

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An Answer For Everything – Take Out The Doggy….Bag

We are back with a new comic strip after a brief hiatus. Jae provided both the inspiration and the artwork for this one which we know that everyone can relate too

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A Meditation Celebration Limerick

I spent July 4th with my lifelong friend Jerry and his wife Rosana. Jerry is my buddy that has an uncanny way of supplying me with material for my limericks and once again, he came through for me. And he does it without even trying.

We were out on the patio enjoying the day doing what come naturally for us – lots of good natured utzing. If you can’t bust your best buds balls whose balls can you bust? I was firmly planted in a lawn chair with beer in hand most of the afternoon when Jerry advised me to get up and move around before atrophy set in….and it led to this….

Over the Fourth of July celebration,
I did a little lawn chair meditation.
To avoid atrophy
I’d get up and pee,
Then grab a cold one and resume vegetation.

A Butt and Booty Call Limerick

I have made both and usually with same result – the recipient telling me to lose their number.

There’s the butt and the booty call
And they’re not very similar at all.
One’s an inadvertent push
The other’s trolling for tush
Though both can make you feel really small.

 

A “Fourth Of July” Limerick

Originally posted on Life is a Limerick:

Today it is not about a punch line. Our national holidays are a tribute to the men and women who served our nation. Our nation was born out of armed conflict and it has yet to escape having to deal with the death and destruction of war. It has been with blood, sweat and tears that we have been able to preserve our most precious possession – freedom.

More American than Mom’s apple pie
Is the FREEDOM upon which we rely.
It comes with a price –
The ultimate sacrifice.
Remember that this Fourth Of July.

Have a great holiday, everyone.

I’ll be back with more silly limericks soon enough.

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A Couple of Thoughts About Marriage, Common Law and Otherwise Limericks

I have been involved in a common law marriage and I have a friend who is now in a common law marriage. A license from the state the parties reside in is not the most important requirement for a marriage, legalities notwithstanding. The first requirement is that the two people want to married to each other and want the world to know that they are married, piece of paper in hand or not. Continue reading

A Just When I Thought I Might Be Less Immature Limerick

I thought that once I got to 60 that those uncontrollable urges to behave like a college sophomore would go away or at least not come around as much. What I have come to find is that is not the case and those urges are becoming a more regular occurrence. It happens almost all the time when I am writing limericks. That’s when I am laughing out loud at my own stupid jokes and, of course, having the most fun. My process starts with a punch line that hits the paper and then it is anything goes from there.

It is especially fun when the punch lines come during a ball busting session with your best buds. Who else do you get to test your material on? I am pretty lucky. I have some good friends that tolerate my silliness and encourage it

Houston was supposed to get blasted by a tropical storm. I called one of my regular test dummies to let him know that I was on high ground with matzo ball soup, a carrot cake, and other fun stuff and that I was accepting refugees from flooding zones. During our conversation, I mentioned that I had been told by my new girlfriend that I would be receiving a surprise shortly. Then I tested the punch line of the limerick that came from it on him and his response was a punch line in and of itself –

My girlfriend’s as sweet as she can be.
She said she has a surprise for me.
I so wanted to inquire,
But I fought off the desire….
To ask, “Is it going to burn when I pee?”

My buddy’s response to the punch line – “That’s exactly what I was thinking!”

A Not Singing In The Rain Limerick

Houston still has a problem. The good news is that the heavy overnight rain is receding fast and the flooding is way down. But it is still a mess. A very soggy mess. This was one of Mother Nature’s not so subtle reminders that she can be very nasty. Not a Hollywood set with Gene Kelly splashing around in love, this was people with bad luck and bad judgement having their cars getting washed around and others with just bad luck having their homes flooded. Not really the stuff that jokes are made of, but that didn’t stop me. This popped into my head…

The havoc a hard rain can bring
Is a very depressing thing,
So this must sound insane –
I love singing in the rain……
But when I do, I’m quickly told, “Joel, DON’T SING!”