A “Clemson Wins The National Championship” Limerick

I am sure that I have never had more riding on a single game than tomorrow’s National Championship game. I am extremely emotionally invested and I have a little action with a nice pay day if Clemson wins.

If my best friend from college, B Brown were still here with us, I am sure we would be at the game in Tampa with his boys. I have been thinking about him a lot lately and wishing I could be watching this game with him. The Tigers meant everything to B Brown. His Clemson Pride was immeasurable. I am sure I will hear him screaming all through the game. Arleen will be giving up her angelic perch on my shoulder for him. Mimi will be a maniac like B Brown on hers.

I don’t think that I have ever cashed on a proposition bet like this. I’ve made bets on the Cavs to win the NBA championship before and the best I ever did on them was Game 6 Eastern Conference Finals vs MJ. No. I liked this bet when I saw it. Clemson had too much talent coming back. They are +180 to +220 today which is roughly 2 to 1. I have them at 7-1 for $100.00.

The anticipation is beginning to build.
Will Clemson’s championship dream be fulfilled?
To be Champs and win a bet
Would be as good as it can get…..
And this Old Tiger would be doubly thrilled!!!!

A “Trump Effect Economy” Limerick

Things like Hope and Change drive markets. This election has left everyone hoping in one way or another and bracing for the change that lies ahead, especially because that change is in the hands of someone who is not a career politician, has chutzpah out the ying yang and charisma that is undeniable.

The stock market has gone up since Donald Trump was elected. That’s a fact. But what made it happen? I have heard it called a Trump Bump. Positive vibes of hope and change. Maybe. And that led to this –

The stock market’s risen since Trump’s victory.
Is he a boon to the economy?
Is this a trending Trump bump
Or a Donald dry hump……
The world is waiting to see!

An “It’s Rigged If I Lose and I Won’t Accept The Results And Now It’s Rigged That I Won and The Other Side Won’t Accept The Results” Limerick


Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump Twitter

In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally.

Recount momentum is starting to mount
And Trump’s Twitter rant is tantamount
To putting the blame
For his rigged election claim
On illegal votes(?) impossible to count…..or prove.

An “Appointments Point To An ‘Organized’ Administration” Limerick

I am an optimist by nature. I always try to see the good in things and a way to turn problems into opportunities. One of my catch phrases is “No mess is as bad as it looks.” I’m beginning to wonder.

What I am beginning to sense is that the American people who voted for Donald Trump weren’t looking for the next F.D.R. who would try to advance modern American society and address the need for positive social change in a world where technology is moving at warp speed. No, they don’t want a President with a conscience which is needed to lead our great diverse mass society, they want a Godfather who will protect the old neighborhood. Now they are going to find out what the price is for that “protection” and the character of the thugs entrusted to reel in the “tribute” for a Godfather. These are political creatures anxious to make their bones, if they haven’t already. On the street, they are dangerous people, feared, not respected.

Bannon, Flynn, Pompeo and Sessions fit the description and they have all kissed the ring. Now they are being rewarded for their loyalty to the Trumpfather with old neighborhoods that they will get to “protect” through intimidation. Territories called the Justice Department, the State Department and the CIA. Bannon is consigliere.

While I was thinking about how to put a positive spin on this, and as of this time, I have yet to do so, this popped into my head –

Trump’s appointments have me in a daze
They show he’s set in his “loyalty” ways.
He’s just letting us know
He’ll strive to reach a new low…..
And take us back to the bad old days!

A President Elect Appointment Limerick

I’m no different than everyone else. I have my own personal opinions about what just happened and what is going to happen. I do know this. Someone has to be very intelligent and charismatic to be able to be elected President Of The United States. Despite his hateful rhetoric and playing on fear and anger to build his constituency, which is personally offensive to me in so many ways, he rallied enough people to vote for him. He may have defeated the only person that he could have. I am guessing that a good many of the people who voted for him actually voted against Hillary Clinton.

My grandfather used to have a favorite expression, “dumb like a fox” and I think that is Donald Trump. He is clearly an “ends justify the means” businessman and that carried over to his politics, which is understandable, because he is not a politician. The thing I am predicting is that he is going to back peddle on just about everything, leaving in enough of the conservative Republican agenda to maintain a connection with his constituency. And by back peddling he will get enough of a connection with his opposition to be able to possibly effect positive change. Here’s hoping.

He is going to have a reality television administration with lots of drama. And this is going to make his back peddling effective. Here is my first prediction for Act One.

This guy Bannon is N.F.G.
And it won’t take long for The Donald to see
What a problem he’s hired
And to tell him “YOU’RE FIRED!”
Trump’s catch phrase from reality TV.

A “Day After The Election” Limerick

I have been off the limerick trail for a while, even though the campaign trail is a gold mine for material. However, I have not found this to be an election that I wanted to write jokes about. It is, seriously, not a joking matter. I have never seen an election like this and, God willing, I will not see another one like it.

I am not a person that would express a political opinion on social media. It is not my place for that. I read a lot of political opinion on social media and it reinforces my decision to go Abe Lincoln – Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

I will make a prediction about tomorrow, Election Day 2016. I predict there are going to be a lot of people in this country consuming a great deal of booze and weed. America will be doing some drinking and copping a buzz. Tomorrow is going to be a numbing experience for many.

Which means that America is going to wake up on Wednesday with a hangover. I was thinking about this while folding my laundry and when I opened my underwear drawer, this popped into my head.

You can’t say “No” to “Just one more.”
So you wake up aching and sore.
And then your universe
Only gets worse…..
You have an empty underwear drawer.

A “Flagrant Foul” Limerick

I got tossed last night. And not for arguing balls and strikes. Though to be consistent with the baseball metaphor, I was sent to the showers for missing a sign and trying to steal a base on my own. I was out by a mile. Rally cut short. No chance to get into scoring position.

And we weren’t even watching baseball. We were watching football. I was trying to show my friend what “illegal use of hands” was and I must have given her too good of a demonstration. Lets just say, there were whistles blowing and flags flying all over the field. And, as I was to discover, the penalty for that foul is not only down and distance, but also comes with an automatic ejection. She told me “Flagrant Feeling” may also carry a game suspension. I told her, I’d be appealing that and it all led to this……

Expert in relationship plea bargain dealing,
I’ve gotten off for attempted kiss stealing.
But girls have slapped me
With a stiff penalty….
And ejected me for flagrant cop-a-feel-ing.

A Couple of “Bad Beat” Limericks

It is the stuff that stories and limericks are made off. Unfortunately, it isn’t a fairy tale and there isn’t a happy ending. But it is a good story and worth telling; and it is certainly worthy of a couple of limericks, that’s for sure. It’s a classic horse player’s lament, a woulda, shoulda, coulda.

I had been screwing around on Saturday, my birthday, playing numbers and grays. Amazingly, two grays came in and at decent prices, $42.80 and $23.80. I was playing those for $5 to win and place so I won enough to come out even on Saturday. I made a lot of bets playing every 6-4, 4-6 & 5-10 exacta boxes and every gray so I had plenty of action. It was trying to get lucky with karma on my birthday. And I did. I didn’t get slaughtered and I could have.

I thought I was going to do some back to school shopping with Mimi’s son and his family Sunday morning and then go watch my grandson play baseball, so I didn’t even buy a form until after my stepson called and said they were a late scratch. I continued to screw around with numbers and grays and I was getting the ass whipping that type of gambling deserves, so I decided I had to try and get back into the fray. But not before knocking down a sixteen ounce Coors Light, which loosened me right up. I couldn’t pick any worse with a beer buzz than I had been.

Now I need to mention that I did not get shut out before I decided to try. Just on my own picks. My friend, who is an expert handicapper, had a lot of faith in his Pic5 ticket and offered a partnership which I would never turn down. That came in. We split a $96 ticket three ways and we each got back $19 profit. It was the first winning Pic5 I was ever a part of.

So I decided to go after another first, my first Pic4. I was playing a $.50 Pic4 bet, where you have to pick the winners of four straight races. You can play a ticket with multiple picks in each of the four races but the more horses you add to the mix, the bigger the bet. Handicapping and making a ticket with the least amount of horses used is how to reduce the risk. I think I did my due diligence and made decent picks from reading the Daily Racing Form. I don’t overthink it, as if I could. I give jockeys and trainers a lot of consideration, and then past performance. I’m no expert but I can make an educated guess and trust my gut with the best of ‘em. I had decent coverage but also a decent amount on the line – $36. I had four horses in the last leg, if I got there.

I did. And in doing so, I got to benefit from a rare horse racing occurrence – a dead heat. I had three horses in the second leg and two of them finished in a dead heat. I had a three horse exacta box using my Pic4 horses and I got to collect for both winners so that was sweet. It also added to the Pic4 drama because now I knew that if I hit the Pic4 I was going to have two winning tickets. And then I hit the third leg of the Pic4, a favorite took care of business.

So here we go. I’m live to four horses in the fourth leg of a Pic4 for the first time. I have had three out of four a bunch of times and that counts for bupkis. This had a potentially sweet payoff and I would get paid on it twice thanks to the dead heat. The drama was building. My friend also had action on the race and he had one of the same horses I did. He had it in an exacta box.

Do you want to know what happened? Well, it led to this…..

Three straight winners and I’m wearing a grin.
And then I took one straight on the chin.
I hate to kvetch
But coming down the stretch….
I actually thought I could win.

But then that Fickle Finger of Fate,
When I was one jump from something great,
Wouldn’t let me close.
I got beat by a nose…..
All it takes for the thrill to deflate.