Some Simple Self-Help Biz Advice Limericks

I would like to offer some free unsolicited advice worth every cent you paid for it and less.  It does come from experience, for whatever that’s worth. And for the record, my business record is dismal at best. So now I am calling myself a writer. Ironically, with writing being the only thing that I ever wanted to do, I may have more opportunities to make money doing this than I did when I was involved in small businesses. Never give up on your dreams.

I write limericks and my ideas for them come from everywhere. I have some friends that are especially good at saying things that become the last line of a limerick. One is from Ringgold, GA, a small town in northwest corner of Georgia. He has a lot of “sayings” as in “my mama had a ‘sayin’ for this.” He sent me a text with the last line of this one which offers some good self-help advice for when your business is negotiating rough waters….

You’re bailing your butt off to keep it afloat
And it’s looking like that’s all she wrote.
With desperation growing
When it’s you doing the rowing….
You ain’t got time to be rocking the boat!

He has some street cred, too.  He kills it selling an industrial manufacturing commodity. He does it the “Ch” way, charm and chutzpah. Those are two good things to have in business.

This second piece of simple advice is pretty old. It comes from arguably the most famous speech in the English written by arguably the greatest writer of the English language. I condensed it into a five line limerick and added a little Texas twist to it. Texans have a great attitude toward life.

So you were riding high in the saddle,
Now you’re up a creek with no paddle.
Tis nobler in the mind
To get off your behind
And make that Sea of Troubles skedaddle.

Good luck. Keep the faith.

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A “Pull My Finger” Limerick

The fart joke has been around as long as the fart. Shakespeare made fart jokes.

http://ultragross.blogspot.com/2011/04/fart-jokes-of-william-shakespeare.html

With Father’s Day coming up this Sunday, it brings to mind one of the time honored traditions of fatherhood – the “pull my finger” routine. Every kid loves it. Every mother hates it. I used to tell my daughter that before a father could take his newborn baby home from the hospital, he would have to sign a notarized legal affidavit that he would teach the child the “pull my finger” routine as soon as they thought the kid would laugh at it. I used to embellish it by crying out after she pulled my finger and I released a well timed blast, “Oh crap, you pulled too hard!!!” and then I would run to the bathroom. Bathroom humor – a comedy staple.

I am known as a doggerel slinger
Who’s always trying to come up with a zinger.
When I’m not clever or smart,
I turn to the fart…
And the punchline, “PULL MY FINGER!”