A “Day After The Election” Limerick

I have been off the limerick trail for a while, even though the campaign trail is a gold mine for material. However, I have not found this to be an election that I wanted to write jokes about. It is, seriously, not a joking matter. I have never seen an election like this and, God willing, I will not see another one like it.

I am not a person that would express a political opinion on social media. It is not my place for that. I read a lot of political opinion on social media and it reinforces my decision to go Abe Lincoln – Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

I will make a prediction about tomorrow, Election Day 2016. I predict there are going to be a lot of people in this country consuming a great deal of booze and weed. America will be doing some drinking and copping a buzz. Tomorrow is going to be a numbing experience for many.

Which means that America is going to wake up on Wednesday with a hangover. I was thinking about this while folding my laundry and when I opened my underwear drawer, this popped into my head.

You can’t say “No” to “Just one more.”
So you wake up aching and sore.
And then your universe
Only gets worse…..
You have an empty underwear drawer.

A “St. Patrick’s Day Amateur Night” Limerick

St. Patrick’s Day is a day when everyone is Irish. No other ethnic holiday can make the claim. I can’t recall everyone wanting to be Jewish on Yom Kippur or Passover.

Who wouldn’t want to adopt an ethnic culture that encourages intoxication and flatulence for one day. Seriously, green beer, boiled meat and boiled cabbage. Talk about your drunken fart fest. Sign me up and call me Joelly O’ Kravitz.

But St. Paddy’s can be fraught with peril way beyond the expected hangover and gastrointestinal discomfort. It is one of two Amateur Nights during the year, the other being New Year’s Eve. They aren’t pounding the air waves with public service messages informing the public that the police are going to be vigilant and aggressive in their enforcement of DUI laws. They are warning you. If you are going to be profoundly stupid and drink and drive, and, if you don’t kill yourself first, the consequences for getting caught drinking and driving are going to be severe. And they should be.

So don’t be an idiot. If you are going to drink, don’t drive. And if you are going to drink…..well, consider the wisdom in this limerick.

Drink and drive!?!?, You need some schooling.
If you think not, it’s only you that you’re fooling.
Your vision is blurred,
Your speech is slurred….
And would you please wipe your chin, you are drooling!