An “Oral Fixation” Limerick

I spent some time over the weekend exploring blogs here at wordpress.com using the reader. There are many poetry blogs and poetry groups. I was able to see the passion and artistry which so many poets are able to bring to their work and here have places to share it. Certainly, I have a more light hearted approach to my poetry, but it doesn’t mean that I do not work on it passionately. I do. I love when a limerick comes together and find just the right words to deliver the laughs and smiles which I am in pursuit of. I often get up in the middle of the night to write something down so it doesn’t vaporize. I keep a blank sheet and a pencil on my desk at all times.

I spent a lot of time on Poet’s Corner which originates from The United Kingdom. The site has 1064 followers and has had nearly 50,000 views. It is a very well put together website run by a generous and diligent administrator, Harry in Belfast. He has great appreciation for poets and poetry and appears to be a big fan of limericks. It must be in his Irish DNA. He offers poetry challenges and a limerick challenge is one of them. I have been all over that.

He is willing to accept bawdy limericks. His only request is that they be witty and humorous and lewd within reason. I have submitted three limericks (all posted here previously) which I feel meet the witty and humorous standard. Today I am going to test the boundary of lewd within reason with a new limerick which chose to pop into my head at 4:00 in morning. It’s subject matter – the one that draws the most attention – oral sex. People all over the world seem to love “blow job” limericks. I can do that.

So from the wee hours of the morning, I bring you this.

Ejaculation preoccupation
Fueled her fellatio fascination.
She never got nervous
Giving phallus lip service…
It satisfied her oral fixation!

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A Couple of “Toothache” Limericks

One of my high school friends put up a post on Facebook that she is (I hope “was”) suffering from a severe toothache. I hope she has it behind her. She has been a real sweetheart with kind words for me during my ordeal with my mouth. And she has a gorgeous smile.

Toothaches are very painful. I know. My friend has a good attitude about it –  “I hate tooth problems, but I guess it is better to have them then not! I am trying to look at the glass 1/2 full!” – Or in my case, mouth 3/4 full. The mouth and teeth are so sensitive. Temperature change can be excruciating as can be a slight breeze. Toothaches conjure up movie images from The Marathon Man and Little Shop Of Horrors.

I have a few toothache limericks. I wrote them for a lady friend who very much enjoyed using her mouth as a pleasure instrument. That topic has been a favorite among readers of my blog so it seems inappropriately appropriate that I offer them up tongue in cheek, so to speak.

Feel better Debbie – I hope you take these in the spirit of the traditional bawdy limerick written for a friend who liked to be really friendly and not just pay lip service to friendship.

I’m sure the pain in your tooth really killed,
And now if it’s better, you’re thrilled.
But the dentist chair
Is always a bear…
There’s better ways to get drilled and filled!

I don’t want you to think I’m uncouth,
But, Sugar, to tell you the truth…
Do I need to expound
On why I want your mouth sound
And not hampered by a bad tooth!

A “Blow Job – The Better Option” Limerick

It was a busy weekend around Life is A Limerick. See if you can guess what tag received the most action. You guessed it – oral sex. I have always been a big believer in keeping the customer satisfied, pun intended. As Steve Tyler so poetically put it, “You ain’t seen noting ‘Till you’re down on a muffin Then you’re sure to be a-changin’ your ways”. I have been, am, and always will be a fresser.

When I tag a limerick blow job, I get hits from all over the world. A blow job is something beloved world wide; it knows no borders and has no language barriers. “Blow me” is internationally understood.

With apologies to the author who has to remain nameless due to his lofty status in his communities, I have often felt that this is the single greatest poem ever written:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Blow me.

Every Valentine’s Day I utz him about how he is wasting his talents.

So to get the week off to flying start, I bring you a Monday morning blow job limerick:

You gotta love a woman that blows.
When done right, it curls your toes.
Fellatio’s grand
And it sure beats your own hand…
Take it from someone who knows!

A Heady Question Limerick

Women are aware of the value of oral sex and the power that it can give them over men. It provides them with great power. As Barbara Bush commented during the Clinton Blow Job scandal when Bill told the American public that he couldn’t remember if he got a blow job from Monica, “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”

It’s hard (no pun intended) to say “no” to any reasonable request from a woman when she is a jaw snap away from turning your ecstasy into agony. If men think with their dicks, then women can put thoughts in their heads with their mouths. And that thought led to this:

When she goes down on bended knee.
She’s not doing it for charity.
Before she goes south
And opens her mouth…
She asks, “What’s in it for me?”

As if she has to ask….something Yummy https://jgkravitz.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/yummy/

A “Jewish Woman and Oral Sex” Limerick

Oral sex, specifically blow jobs, has been the most “hit” tag that I have put on my limericks. I write a blow job limerick and it gets people’s attention. Who’da thunk it? I have no shortage of them; but obviously, I have to be discrete in posting them, if that is possible.

Here’s one for today and we’ll see how it goes.

My Jewish diva voiced concern of the stigma.
To me, her thinking was an enigma.
I let out a guffaw
And said, “You don’t have lockjaw…
A blow job is doing a mitzvah!”

No One Ever Got Pregnant From A Blow Job

That was the last thing that my father told me when he took me to college for the first time, right before he jumped into the car and drove off into the sunset. My dad was a man of few words but he always had sage advice that made sense. This is a perfect example and it led to this little ditty:

The problem with copulation
Is the risk of increased population.
Dear old dad always said
Get head instead
And take the risk out of ejaculation!

YUMMY

One good thing about being old is that you will have learned a lot of old sayings. The one bad thing about that is that you can’t remember many of them. But here is one old saying that has stuck with me – the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And there is a lot of truth to it. But it doesn’t hurt to know the short cut – through his zipper. And strangely enough, the two paths to a man’s heart can be figuratively and literally joined at the hip, so to speak.

Which leads me to the word “yummy”. I know that some of you are foodies and Food Network fans. I happen to be both. I love to eat. Love to eat pie.

I like watching the cooking shows and I have learned a lot from them. One thing that I learned is that the lady cooking show hostesses have a singular way of describing what they just made right after they stick it in their mouths – “yummy.” Everything is “yummy.” They could swollow a chicken bone and hack it up like a cat choking on a hair ball and after they finish gagging, they smile for the camera and go,”Yummy.”

When I was a kid there was a song in the charts with a lyric line, “Yummy, yummy, yummy. I’ve got love in my tummy.” The song was about a homosexual experience.

There is nothing masculine about the word.. I don’t see “yummy” working any magic on a man heart, other than raising the risk of heart disease. I assure you, there ain’t a cook in a deer camp that ever called anything “yummy”…..unless he was gay. Here’s where men are weighing in on “yummy.”

The Food Network divas have quite a following
For all the “yummy” in which they are wallowing.
Men only want to hear “yum”
Describe a mouthful of cum
After their diva’s done swallowing.