A “St. Patrick’s Day Amateur Night” Limerick

St. Patrick’s Day is a day when everyone is Irish. No other ethnic holiday can make the claim. I can’t recall everyone wanting to be Jewish on Yom Kippur or Passover.

Who wouldn’t want to adopt an ethnic culture that encourages intoxication and flatulence for one day. Seriously, green beer, boiled meat and boiled cabbage. Talk about your drunken fart fest. Sign me up and call me Joelly O’ Kravitz.

But St. Paddy’s can be fraught with peril way beyond the expected hangover and gastrointestinal discomfort. It is one of two Amateur Nights during the year, the other being New Year’s Eve. They aren’t pounding the air waves with public service messages informing the public that the police are going to be vigilant and aggressive in their enforcement of DUI laws. They are warning you. If you are going to be profoundly stupid and drink and drive, and, if you don’t kill yourself first, the consequences for getting caught drinking and driving are going to be severe. And they should be.

So don’t be an idiot. If you are going to drink, don’t drive. And if you are going to drink…..well, consider the wisdom in this limerick.

When it comes to drinking, you need some schooling.
If you think not, it’s only you that you’re fooling.
Your vision is blurred,
Your speech is slurred….
And would you please wipe your chin, your drooling!

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