Do not think that just because I have been married three times that I know anything about marriage or women. I would never be so bold as to suggest that I do. As they say, “I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid.” And a man claiming that he has expert knowledge of the two aforementioned subjects would be profoundly stupid.
I only have to refer back to what may be the stupidest thing ever written in the English language -“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” (Of course, the author of this was an enormous commercial success pandering this stupidity) Come on. Every man that ever considers marriage or a committed relationship should be forced to read “Apologizing and Groveling For Dummies” Ask any woman. They will not only agree with my opinion of that quote from Love Story, but also offer some sort of take that would go something like this – “Love means not screwing up in the first place so you don’t need to beg for forgiveness, you moron!” (Feel free to insert the universal adjective when quoting me – for the record, all my wives did!) As I have said repeatedly, if I had a dollar for every time that one of my wives or girlfriends called me an idiot, I could live comfortably on the interest.
I had the misfortune of walking in on a couple of married friends of mine who were lighting each other up with full force. That’s not exactly true. She was deploying a scorched earth offensive and he was in cover your head, duck and run mode. I couldn’t back peddle out of there fast enough…..then I called my buddy and told him that things would get better and soon this would be behind him. His reply. “When?” ….. and it led to this –
When you follow her orders half assed,
You know her tirade’s gonna come hard and fast.
There’s really no telling
How long she’ll be yelling
And it ain’t history until it’s in the past.
So there’s no putting it behind you until the smoldering dies out as it can, and usually will, burst back into flames. I recommend flame retardant underwear.