A Few Horseracing Limericks

view from my bench in the paddock

view from my bench in the paddock

I love horseracing. I especially love horseracing at Del Mar in San Diego, where “The Turf hits the Surf” and its always “As Cool As Ever.” The picture is the view from my favorite bench in the paddock after the horses have gone to the track. It gets a little crowded when they are on display.

view from the bench in the paddock with horses in the paddock

view from the bench in the paddock with horses in the paddock

Everything about horseracing at Del Mar is cool. First, the horseracing – the horses are great athletes who try hard, the jockeys are fearless competitors weighing around 100 lbs. on top of a 1200 lb. animal going 40 MPH. The excitement of the races is real and there is athletic drama unfolding right in front of you which can be greatly heightened with gambling action. I like the action. I am not a big gambler and I limit myself, but I have to say, it’s always a rush to cash a winning ticket.

Playing the ponies lights my fire
And cashing large is my desire.
If I ever win big
I’ll dance a jig
When my winner hits the wire!

Winning tickets make spirits soar,
No matter the size of the score.
Any horseplayer would say
It’s an exceptional day
When more get cashed than end up on the floor!

I was there for five days and, let’s put it this way, the best handicappers can pick 30% winners. I am not amongst them. One good day and four days where I hit the losing limit. Day 1 loser, Day 2 winner, Day 3 resulted in this:

The ships sinking and there’s no way I’ll right her.
I’m going down like a punch drunk fighter.
My picks have been trash
Now my stash has less cash
And my wallet’s significantly lighter

But I was still at Del Mar. Below is the view from the box I able to sit in thanks to my friend Richard and his trainer, Mike Puype, a fine trainer and a very nice guy. He didn’t roll his eyes or anything when I asked him about horses trash talking each other before the races (which Steve Cauthen did before he broke into a big smile and started laughing before he told me, “Sir, I think those horses just go about their business.”)

view from the box

view from the box

In the end, a good time was had by all and I’ll be back again even though…..

I go to the beat of a different drum
And I know betting on horses is dumb.
What cures losing for me –
A cranialrectumectomy…..
But there’s no ass left to pull my head from!

Since I lost mine at the racetrack!

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